Organic Assholes by John Grochalski

the organic assholes
are making a big show of it
in the chain supermarket line
they’re acting like aliens
they’re acting like they have to slum
at least they have self-checkout machines in here,
one of them says sarcastically
and I laugh as they get out of line
because the self-checkout machines in this joint are always broken
what pedestrian bullshit, they say, getting back in line
do you even ever really shop here?
one organic asshole asks the other
um…no, the organic asshole says
would I shop somewhere that has no cauliflower rice
no pre-made salads and no craft brew?
I mean they sell kraft products here!
and they laugh at that
the organic assholes are holding something dewy and green
that I don’t recognize
collard greens, one organic asshole says to the cashier
even though she didn’t ask
we’re making a brisket tonight and we just had to have collard greens
but there’s no farmer’s market until the weekend
and trader joe’s let us down so…
the cashier nods and says nothing
do you know how I make mine?
the organic asshole asks the cashier
she shrugs
with bacon, vinegar and garlic, he says
only local sourced pork, the other organic asshole adds
then she holds up cheap chocolate bars
and they both snicker at them
it’s my mother’s recipe, the organic asshole says
cool, that’ll be $2.95 the cashier says
of course, the organic asshole pays with a credit card
um…we don’t need a bag,
the other organic asshole says to the cashier
and she takes the wet collard greens out of a plastic bag
holding them up like a dozen roses
before the two organic assholes
walk out of the grocery store like the prom king and queen
over to their waiting labradoodle mix
as the cashier picks up the sopping plastic bag
and throws it away.   

John Grochalski is the author of the poetry collections, The Noose Doesn’t Get Any Looser After You Punch Out (Six Gallery Press 2008), Glass City (Low Ghost Press, 2010), In The Year of Everything Dying (Camel Saloon, 2012), Starting with the Last Name Grochalski (Coleridge Street Books, 2014), and The Philosopher’s Ship (Alien Buddha Press, 2018). He is also the author of the novels, The Librarian (Six Gallery Press 2013), and Wine Clerk (Six Gallery Press 2016).  Grochalski currently lives in Brooklyn, New York, where the garbage can smell like roses if you wish on it hard enough.