POOP THROUGH THE MAIL! by Ryan Quinn Flanagan

She tells me
that once we reach fifty
we have to poop on a stick.
What?, I say,
I’m not doing that.
You have to, she says,
they mail you these three cards
with accompanying sticks
and you reach down into the toilet
when you are done
and smear some poop on the stick first
and then smear that to each of the
three cards
then date it and mail it off.
To who?,
I demand.
To a testing lab, she says,
they test for all the big diseases
and for polyps or a bleeding
colon…
POOP THROUGH THE MAIL!,
I holler.
Yes, she laughs,
poop through the mail.
Then she tells me that blood
in your feces is called “Occult Blood”
which makes me think of satanic
sacrifice
and giant chalices of Jesus
juice.

 Ryan Quinn Flanagan is a male gigolo for hire.  Presently residing along the sunny shores of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where he spends his days drinking discount Tequila and accusing chemtrails of being "sky farts."  His work can be found both in print and online in such joints as: The Rye Whiskey Review, The Dope Fiend Daily, Outlaw Poetry Network, Horror Sleaze Trash, and Under The Bleachers.