“This is Tough, Lord Jesus!” by Ryan Quinn Flanagan

My wife and I are at the Dollarama.

Standing near the front of a line that keeps

getting longer.

Some crazy woman is off her meds

and driving the cashier nuts.

The cashier is amazingly calm.

Ringing things through and smiling.

I’ll bet she’s having one of those FML moments,

my wife leans in.

Then the crazy old broad looks at the line

and yells out an apology.

She starts blessing us all.

It is a very religious moment.

She blesses the cashier most of all,

who smiles.

Then she goes to roll her belongings out to the parking lot.

The cashier politely lets her know that the carts

have to stay inside.

Oh bless you my dear!  Oh bless you all!

I tell my wife I feel blessed

and she elbows me.

The cashier begins ringing the next gentleman through.

We are next in line.

Suddenly the crazy old broad jumps back from her cart

with her hands in the air.

IT’S THE LAW!

she screams.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO,

IT’S THE LAW   IT’S THE LAW!!

The cashier keeps ringing the man through.

A true professional.

I really don’t like the law,

I tell my wife.

She elbows me again.

   

Oh, I don’t know how I’m going to carry these outside,

the crazy old broad continues.

She has two small bags of trinkets.

Then it is our turn to be rung through.

We are blessed again before we reach the cash.

Everyone in the store is.

It is a most spiritual moment.

Water into wine and all that.

The kid stocking shelves takes his step ladder

and quietly moves to the back of the store.

Time to take an early lunch.

He is in hiding.

Not his first rodeo.

As we walk outside,

we pass the crazy woman

now standing in front

with outstretched arms

and talking to the

sky directly.

Oh mercy, this is tough!

This is tough, lord Jesus!

I don’t look back because I know better.

The wife keeps walking as well.

Some woman in black slacks comes over

to help the woman with her bags

and immediately realizes her mistake.

She turns and rushes off,

but not before being blessed

a few times.

I think I just had a religious experience,

I tell my wife.

Is that what you’re calling it,

she scoffs.

I twirl the Dollarama bags in my hand

and tell her it is.

Ryan Quinn Flanagan is a male gigolo for hire.  Presently residing along the sunny shores of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where he spends his days drinking discount Tequila and accusing chemtrails of being "sky farts."  His work can be found both in print and online in such joints as: The Rye Whiskey Review, The Dope Fiend Daily, Outlaw Poetry Network, Horror Sleaze Trash, and Under The Bleachers.