Another Day In My Non Existent Life by John Patrick Robbins

I believe I will start to lip sync my readings and pay others to write for me.
I will remind them to misspell every other word  to keep the secret safe.

I will hire a ugly rugged bastard to impersonate me and secretly go on the wagon .
Get married and become a preacher.

And picket my own readings .
And when someone looks at me and ask's.

"Hey aren't you him?"


I will respond by saying no I'm just his former stand in .
Then remind them to go to church on Sunday and say there prayers every night.


It will all be going swell till I get caught with a hooker and a sack of blow .

It will make the headlines and bring great shame to my stand in when he realizes his gig is up.

My fellow writers will scratch thier heads and my flock will all pray for my soul .

My wife will demand for a divorce and my girlfriend will ask about the hooker who will problay write a book cashing in on her fifteen minutes of fame .

And in the meantime I will problay start fifteen more mags , two presses , publish fifty writers record ten podcasts and start five feuds with my pen names .

Some call it madness to me.its just another day at the races .

Cocktails anyone?

                        John Patrick Robbins

Is the witch doctor of the Frat and member of the Illuminati
He is actually a 2000 year old vampire who enjoys chasing ass far more than publication .

And listening to writers piss and moan everyday about papercuts when largley the paper now is virtual.

He enjoys making people hate him and is nominated for Asshole of the Year at this years Ezine Awards.


He also enjoys binge drinking and having conference calls with total strangers .

And if he offends you then download a free sense of humor at.

Itscalledajokemoron.com


Cheers .