I'm Hiding Under Your Bed by Scott Simmons

Do you ever wonder why there are giant sexual Congo lines in Vermont?
Or why cheese tastes better when you have a plastic bag over your head in a convertible?

All of this excitement goes straight to my grandma's carpet but I can't help it I'm not housebroken.
So please stop putting me in the crawlspace with the raccoon people that are trying to eat me.

Also KNOCK KNOCK!

Scott: Get the fuck away from me Scott you fucking scumbag or I'll call the cops on your sorry ass.

So that's why I'm not allowed in public libraries anymore without wearing any pants.
Or maybe that's why I'm not supposed to taser dolphins after they make my butt feel all hurty.

If you thought this write was completely pointless then you have never seen my sex life.

Scott Simmons is considered a pet in 47 states and legally is not allowed to be unattended in a hot car for more than 13 minutes without adult supervision. He has traveled to many strange places inside of his room and is very well versed in the culture of perpetual virginity. So please contact him if you are interested in buying the 1,909 used candy thongs he is offering on craigslist his number is:

832-802-9430