Scott Simons By Scott Simons Yet Not Written By Scott Simons

Sometimes I question why farts don't always catch fire.

Then the crap runs down my leg, and I realize I really should have borrowed a pair of grandpas sexy new signature Madonna adult diapers.

Profound, need I say more?

Scott Simmons is an original Frat member and also is just today no longer under house arrest ladies but still must maintain a respectful distance from all dog parks and is banned from most zoo's in the United States and some third world countries  besides Canada where he currently resides as he sought political asylum to pursue his degree in porn appreciation.

He is currently accepting full length poetry manuscripts for The Dope Fiend Daily Press all inquiries please contact him directly through messanger or just call him at any hour of the day.

He has been published in.

Flex Magazine, Men In The Woods With Firm Axe Handles Quarterly, Screw Magazine, Better Homes And Sex Slaves Zine, The Lone Star Steak House Bathroom Wall and The Rye Whiskey Review.

He also is work on his first full length album with his band Randy Rooster & The Hard Cocks.

I Hate Humanity Yet Love Cats by not Skaja Evens

I watch Bar Rescue and craft pipe bombs to send out for Christmas, along with rejections.

As she laughs as her cat takes a poo outside of the cat box, as she slices the throat of whoever the fuck house this is to give as an offering to Freya.

Poetry is life; if you don't follow my guidelines, I will end yours…..

Bios by Ernesto Hemingway

Skaja Evens enjoys nothing because she does not have to conform to any sexist male hidden agenda bastards.

When not serial killing, she enjoys solving mysteries with her hippy friends, who travel with a greyhound in a van.

She has a number-one song in Norway with her death metal project, Two Corpses and One Teacup.

She invented liquid smoke and has a pet turkey named Osama bin Ladin.

She recently won the lottery yet still works a job she hates so she can remain unhappy because she hates noise and clock radios, and if that makes sense, you probably are off your meds.

She is the editor-in-chief of Field And Stream Magazine.