POETRY SUBMISSION COVER LETTER AFTER READING 100 STRAIGHT LITERARY JOURNAL GUIDELINES GIVING PREFERENCE TO DIVERSE VOICES by John Tustin

To the Cisgender Poetry Editor, The Deflated Flapjack,
I’m a non-binary biracial hermaphrodite unicorn who identifies as the third car of the Number 7 Train that runs from Flushing, Queens to Times Square Manhattan after midnight on weekends. I am in a polyamorous non-traditional relationship with a demisexual mermaid descended from Zulu royalty and a Mestizo kitchen table.
My greatest claim to fame besides my dual degrees in Gender Fluid Studies and Navajo Folk Dancing is that three letters and an area code are under consideration to be added to LGBTQQIP2SAA because of me!
Oh, I almost forgot - I am sending 3 poems for your consideration: Dead Candles, Leaky Pipes and The Beer Cans Keep Piling Up.

Thank you again for your consideration,
Mx. John Tustin

John Tustin is tired of trying to write third person bios. fritzware.com/johntustinpoetry contains links to his published poetry online.

NAMES by John Tustin

Mr. Hyde is in plain sight
Mr. Wide is very narrow
Mr. Luce is very tight
Mr. Smiley’s full of sorrow

Mr. Mann is not a man
Mr. Dryer is a wino
Mr. White is very tan
Mr. Black’s a full albino!

Mr. Swift is not too bright
Mr. Sweet is very sour
Mr. Amity loves to fight
Mr. Strong is without power

Mr. Gordo’s very thin
Mr.  Braver has no guts
Mr. Outer won’t come in
Mr. Sain’s completely nuts!

Mr. Capps’ head is naked
Mr. Tam’s head’s the same
To Mr. Godley, nothing’s sacred
A man is more than just his name

John Tustin is tired of trying to write third person bios. fritzware.com/johntustinpoetry contains links to his published poetry online.

ARIANNA ON TINDER by John Tustin

“Most of you would judge my looks
While sitting on the toilet”
She wrote
As I judged her looks
While sitting on the toilet.
She looked OK.
I swiped right, though,
Because of her comment about judging looks
While sitting on the toilet
Because that is what I was doing.
I had a similarly witty comment
Just beneath my picture.

She did not match with me.

John Tustin is tired of trying to write third person bios. fritzware.com/johntustinpoetry contains links to his published poetry online.

EMPTY INBOX SATURDAY NIGHT. By John Tustin

 He made a Facebook post

He sent out a Tweet

It said, “Show me your tits,

Let’s see your feet.”

His penis was limp

His inbox was bare

It was a ghost town

Nobody was there

He thought to himself

He thought long and deep

Could I be so lonely

Because I’m a creep?

He dismissed the idea

No way that was why

So he remained thirsty

His inbox stayed dry

“I won’t ask again,

I’ll just go to bed.”

He closed social media

And jerked off instead.

John Tustin might like pix of women's feet sent to his Facebook inbox but he hates to write third-person bios. fritzware.com/johntustinpoetry contains links to his published poetry online.

FEETZ. By John Tustin

Show me the arches

Show me the toes

I hate the shoes

But I do love the hoes!

The underside wrinkles

The furrowed sweet soles

Give me the tingles

Deep down in my soul

Show me your feetz

Press them against me

Just be discreet

Don’t dare charge a fee

Show me the ankles

Show me the calves

Instead of the Have-nots

We can be Haves

Show me the tiddies

Show me the butt

I might like chubby toes

But I do love a slut!

John Tustin might like pix of women's feet sent to his Facebook inbox but he hates to write third-person bios. fritzware.com/johntustinpoetry contains links to his published poetry online.

I USED TO BE THIN by John Tustin

I used to be thin
With that little indentation in my sternum and everything
But I never got a chance to enjoy it.
I hardly remember it.

Now I come from the shower
With this red bath towel around my middle
That now protrudes
Further than my chin.

The funny thing is
That I am less embarrassed to be naked now
Than I have ever been in my life.
It makes no sense.

Don’t get me wrong –
I don’t mind your belly, I just don’t like mine.
However, at this point I am beyond shame –
So, if you show me yours,

I’ll show you mine.

John Tustin is tired of trying to write third person bios. fritzware.com/johntustinpoetry contains links to his published poetry online.