Sex Tape with a Woman in a Vegetative State. By Ryan Quinn Flanagan

He borrowed an old Hi-8 camera from a friend

and set it on the ledge of the bathroom vanity overlooking

his parent’s soaker tub

and he raided the refrigerator of all its vegetables

and built the likeness of a woman out of them,

then he took off all his clothes and pressed play

and got on top of the vegetable woman in the soaker tub

and pumped away until he finished.

   

And he talked dirty the whole time

into her ears of corn.

Sucking on her baby carrot nipples

until his lips were orange.

Then he uploaded the 7 minute video to YouTube

under the title: Sex Tape with a Woman in a Vegetative State.

To his surprise, it had more than a million hits in under 24 hours

before it was taken down.

When he was done with the vegetables he put them back in the fridge.

His mother’s weekly book club stir-fries never tasting so good.

Ryan Quinn Flanagan is a Canadian-born author residing in Elliot Lake, Ontario, Canada with his wife and many bears that rifle through his garbage.  His work can be found both in print and online in such places as: Evergreen Review, The New York Quarterly, The Rye Whiskey Review, Outlaw Poetry Network, Horror Sleaze Trash, The Dope Fiend Daily and In Between Hangovers.