THE END IS NEIGH! by Todd Bagger

Listen Sheople, the writing is on the walls!
(unless you are actually a reptilian then close your scaly eye flaps and stop reading this!)

We all know that U.T.B related incidents of drunk driving have more than tripled this fiscal year.
But what most of you don't realize is that by simple calculations a dark plot emerges.

Take the total number of drunk driving accidents 5,190 in 2018 then multiply that by 23.
And divide the product by 666 this results in the number 179.

179 is almost 180 which is the sum of the angles of the angles added up in a triangle.
This is no coincidence as the triangle is the symbol of the illuminati.

Whom are the current funders of U.T.B.

If you take this data into consideration and then look at the unique anal finger print left by Ryan Quinn Flanagan on 2 ply toilet paper.

The trajectory adds up to the coordinates of a nuclear silo built in Antartica during the "Cold war".
And the amount of pizza beagles that can be stored there is exactly 173.2 million units.

THESE PIZZA BEAGLES ARE BEING SOLD TO YOUR SUPPER MARKET AND ARE INJECTED WITH DRUGS TO BRAINWASH YOU INTO BUYING U.T.B BOOKS!

AND THE FUNDS FROM THESE BOOKS ARE BEING USED TO MAKE GOVERNMENTS INTO PUPPETS FOR OUR FUTURE MARTIAN INVADERS TO CONQUER US!

YOU MUST RESIST AND FREE YOUR MINDS FROM YOUR CORPORATE OVERLORDS AMERICA DON'T BECOME THE CHEESE PIZZA OF AN ALLIEN RACE!

Todd Bagger is currently at an undisclosed location and dedicates his life to unveiling the evil truth behind U.T.B. Nobody knows his true identity but he will always be there watching and reporting on the state of the world. If you want to also set your mind free then buy his patented vitamins and  tin foil hats at  a secret dropbox near you.