I remember
when I got married
in a shark costume
with face paint like a professional wrestler
for the sake of being strange
that I was kinda sad
because I'd never have a normal wedding
with all the trappings and ceremony and circumstance
every one is conditioned to believe
is necessary to make a
best day of their lives
but that marriage ended
thank god
and I got this second chance
at normalcy
and making momma proud
maybe...
right?
but i'll tell you
that the happiest days of my life
sure haven't been culminations
so much as first surrenders
not victories
but revelations
it's never been about
celebrating how
the women I've been in love with
has suddenly changed her mind
so much as
suddenly I've changed my mind
about who I'm in love with
when I take them home for the first time
and realize I'll always have memories
of them in the place I go to hide from the world
when they start staying there most nights
when they become the place I go to hide from the world
the best days are when the crushing defeat
of a broken relationship
turns into the warmth and safety
in the weight of a new lover on top of me
where I realize the mutual obsession is real
and horribly fragile
fatalistic
and fleeting
If I ever have a normal wedding
I want it to be with someone I don't love
maybe don't even know
so my memories of that wedding
won't be ruined
by the realities of a marriage slowly crumbling
from promises too big
to keep
or conclusions
we were forced to come to
when the bills came
or the results arrived in the mail
when the phone rang
and what we'd been waiting for
all along just killing time
sent us running
to where we'd wanted to be
since we knew where it was
If I get married again
I'd want it to be
to the girl that kissed me in Spain
when I was 15
She was from Ireland
a little older than me
and I never saw her again
after my mother caught us
desperate teenage virgins
who happened to speak the same language
on vacation in a foreign country
dry-humping each other
in an ally we ended up in together
by dumb luck
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