The Plan. by Ezhno Martin

I remember

when I got married

in a shark costume

with face paint like a professional wrestler

for the sake of being strange

that I was kinda sad

because I'd never have a normal wedding

with all the trappings and ceremony and circumstance

every one is conditioned to believe

is necessary to make a

best day of their lives

but that marriage ended

thank god

and I got this second chance

at normalcy

and making momma proud

maybe...

right?

but i'll tell you

that the happiest days of my life

sure haven't been culminations

so much as first surrenders

not victories

but revelations

it's never been about

celebrating how

the women I've been in love with

has suddenly changed her mind

so much as

suddenly I've changed my mind

about who I'm in love with

when I take them home for the first time

and realize I'll always have memories

of them in the place I go to hide from the world

when they start staying there most nights

when they become the place I go to hide from the world

the best days are when the crushing defeat

of a broken relationship

turns into the warmth and safety

in the weight of a new lover on top of me

where I realize the mutual obsession is real

and horribly fragile

fatalistic

and fleeting

If I ever have a normal wedding

I want it to be with someone I don't love

maybe don't even know

so my memories of that wedding

won't be ruined

by the realities of a marriage slowly crumbling

from promises too big

to keep

or conclusions

we were forced to come to

when the bills came

or the results arrived in the mail

when the phone rang

and what we'd been waiting for

all along just killing time

sent us running

to where we'd wanted to be

since we knew where it was

If I get married again

I'd want it to be

to the girl that kissed me in Spain

when I was 15

She was from Ireland

a little older than me

and I never saw her again

after my mother caught us

desperate teenage virgins

who happened to speak the same language

on vacation in a foreign country

dry-humping each other

in an ally we ended up in together

by dumb luck

Ezhno Martin doesn't believe in god, pronouns, american exceptionalism, most conventions of capitalization, monogamy, any form of censorship, that 9/11 was real, casseroles, coming to a full stop at stop signs, chivalry, patriotism, hand washing after bathroom visits, rough sex, decorum, the importance of biological families, and/or that The New York Knick's are ever going to get their shit together.  Ezhno lives in Toledo, Ohio.  Ezhno is now from Toledo, Ohio, because that's how that works.  You can't misgender Ezhno, because Ezhno doesn't believe in genders, pronouns, safe spaces or any of that social-justice-warrior-rich-kid-with-a-complex bullshit.   Just say “nice ass” if you're feeling nervous or confused about the fact that the 6'2” Adonis that is Ezhno hates your counter culture just as much as the culture it opposes.