Friday, January 25, 2019

   I Eat Orphans. by Ron Murphy

                 
I find them sad so I always add a dash of barbeque sauce and a garnish of wild onions with a side of fries.

Nobody reports them missing but my neighbors are certainly curious as to why they never see them leave .

But they know better to ask.
But they don't complain cause you won't find any vagrants or stray animals on my block.


Well maybe a cat seems I'm allergic to pussy.

That's why you never see any around.

They banned me from sea world for trying  to steal Shamu.

I have a hell of appetite for only one man.

My ex never seemed to mind .

She has been missing for two years nobody's ever seems to wonder  where she went.

She was a real bitch .

She gave me a horrible case of heartburn .

And when I have a bad case of heartburn I reach for the only thing that always gets the job done .

Billy Joel's Burn Be Away .

Yes he didn't start the fire but he damn sure will end it .

Yes the piano man now not only tickles the ivories but now stops what burns down deep in your tummy.

Yes just look for bottle with Billy Joel's face on it .

Burn Be Away .

You're Welcome.

Billy Joel is not a licensed doctor and side effects may include .
Explosive diarrhea, Internal human combustion,  Sweating bullets , And open mic poetry readings.

Children under the age of twelve should not read this post if not in the presence of a adcult or  Scott Simmons .

Eating another human is not funny and will probably have some bad side effects but if you do eat  another person you should probably avoid clowns cause I have heard they taste funny.

UTB does not condone or support drug use .

If you are depressed and need a friend.

Please call a random stranger at..

832 802 9430

I am not on drugs while writing this.
For I am high on Jesus .

You have a great day you have a great day for it .








                     Ron Murphy

Is the golden voice of UTB and currently resides in parts unknown with his asshole dog and imaginary friend .

Capt Slappy .

Ron is also a published author and his recent book Memoirs  Of A Madman is currently a bestseller in Canada wear he is worshipped as a God.

Ron has been linked to many starlets like .
Betty White , Miss Piggy,  Jennifer Lawrence, Jason Voorhees and Brad Pitt.

When not doing voice over work and being involved with petty crimes Ron enjoys the life of a true thespian .

He has a large collection of vintage bug lights and electric chairs .
He is also the lead researcher for the Bigfoot and female orgasm and other mythical things institute.

He is a painter and rock climber and part time firefighter .

Ron Murphy will be running as a independent candidate for President of the United States of America .


His motto is .

He wont change shit but least he won't blow the world up.

And will drop the drinking age to seven and make all drugs legal .



                   You're Welcome !!!!

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