Surprise I'm an Asshole! by Scott Simmons

She asked me once
“Do you have any fetishes?”

Yeah I’m a sadomasochist wasn’t it obvious?

Considering I actually spent time talking to your dumbass.
Seriously with your dull personality fuck nipple clamps!

Oh wait did you just want the rest of my list?

There was silence and soon our relationship was over.

I guess I gotta find someone else to make me miserable now.

Scott Simmons is a retired Electronic Skin Flute player in the jazz/hardcore gangsta rap band called The Ron Murphy & Crystal Meth experience, who sold a grand total of 3 copies throughout their time together in the early 1920s. After this Scott Simmons developed an irrational phobia of being in any kind of hotel room, and shit stained pants. He can now be found in the city of night lights known as Go Fuck yourself Oklahoma creating invisible paintings for imaginary people in his head.