Genius He Is Not. By John Patrick Robbins

               

My best friend had come up with a plan, to finally cure his lack of female attention.

"Dude, I been thinking how to finally meet some chicks."

"Well leaving the house usually helps kid ."

"Dude I'm being serious. "

Simon said shooting me a look, that made me want bust up laughing on the spot."

But being I was semi sober and not in the market for shopping new friends anytime soon .

I fought the urge, to be the natural born prick I always am.

"Okay Einstein, tell me this new game plan."

"Okay,  so I'm going to start playing D&D because there may be a few chicks at these games."

"Wow kid, I mean what a plan, I mean you should be swimming in the pussy at these nerd conventions in no time ."

"Hey fuck you man !, look I figure like some of these dudes got to have sisters and compared to what their used to being around.

I mean I will be like a badass ."

I couldn't resist my urge to laugh any longer.

"So you figure you can play a game, that's outdated since the eighties . And push around nerds even more pathetic than yourself in hope's one has a sister, he hasn't trapped in his dungeon yet ?"

I didn't wait to hear my clearly mentally challenged friends reply.

And as I almost shed a tear from laughing so fucking hard, I had to think back to the days when I was my friends age.

When I would damn near go on a quest for hours, just in hope of meeting someone and hopefully getting a number that wasn't some random dudes.

But never in my most desperate attempts had I stooped, to cruising dungeons and dragons circles to try to get laid.

One thing about it, the word genius would truly never be associated with my best friend's name.

It didn't take a magic spell to unlock the mythical chastity belt.

Just call your local escort service instead.

And if you're lucky you can avoid the curse of the dripping fire and going on a side quest for the local free clinic .

Fare thee well misguided mage. 

Cheers .

John Patrick Robbins, is currently not available please leave your name and measurements after the beep.

If this is an emergency well then you're really fucked! And why are you looking to a semi insane editor for help to begin with?

John is currently in his cabin deep in the woods he purchesed for a steal from the unibomber. 

Which although with no  running water and electricity has perfect WiFi .

He is hiding out from the illuminati,which is trying to kill him for sharing it's secrets.

When not losing his mind he enjoys binge drinking and worshiping Cathulu. 

His new self help book on how to be a better drunk than you will be published by random house.


If found dead please blame it on Beyonce and all the single ladies.