Only Skinvelope Deep by Scott Simmons

There are a few things I’ve learned in life.

The first is that microwave rays are just the devil’s way of touching your ding a ling.
Because idle hands are choking the chicken and churning the butter.

Secondly I exist in an alternative universe during the early 2000’s where in Japan methamphetamines grow inside oxygen masks on inflatable palm trees.

Finally auto-erotic affixation is cool and you should teach your kids how to do it too.
So why won’t you date me anymore?

Scott Simmons is a young girl from the Eli Young Band with hopes and dreams of summoning the Jonas brothers to join the cult that he started in his bedroom. His days in retirement are often spent jacking off to stranger's flip flops and The Andy Griffith Show.