Hawaii Jive Ho. By Ron Murphy

                    

Ron Murphy is a complex man , most people are thrown off by the mask .

But don't we all hide behind a mask of some kind?

I mean Ron knows a few people and some very affordable hookers he wished wore a mask .

And then again some people simply belong in a cage like Scott Simmons .

But jokes aside sometimes even I miss the company of a good woman.

Nothing beats having someone to wash Ron's Ski Masks or cook his meals.

Or better yet shake her head and agree with everything I say .

And honestly it really is rough with the holidays coming up .

Because not having to pay for sex really saves money for the important things like high quality scotch and crack cocaine. 

What silly reader did you believe I would actually buy little Ron Jr Christmas presents ?

You tell that little freeloader to ask the neighbor next door for something , being I believe that's who his real father is.

Yes sometimes when you look for a deeper meaning in a place where everything is a joke, even I have to laugh at your goofy ass. 

But really when I joke to you fine men reading this magazine or ladies who have your husband explain the complex humor of a low class asshole afterwards.

It really warms that vacant place where a heart used to exist , which that cold hearted bitch ripped out.

Ron is sad and alone .

If you would like to comfort him , meaning .

Mix Ron's drinks and be rewarded in great conversation and disappointing sex .

Please email UTB with naked pics .

No names needed because really your name doesn't matter .

Ron Murphy is truly a man of the people.

You're Welcome!!!! 

                               Ron Murphy

Is the golden voice of UTB .
And although not a poet he still finds time to write whole collections dedicated to his dark adventures .

You may have heard his voice over work on many a after school special and his recent add for Mickeys Fine Malt Liqour .

He is currently wanted for back child support and some minor drug trafficking charges .


He is always offensive and highly mentally unstable .


You're welcome!!!