Ariel Shart by Tony Podcaster

His days in the Air Force were fun.
He serviced all the planes and many of the servicemen too.
With those painted cocksucker lips straight out of some pin-up mag.
“The Hoboken Hoover” the other men took to calling him.
He could have an entire regiment standing at attention in seconds.

And after he got out, he started writing plays no one would ever see.
Doing podcasts no one would ever hear.
A sad old man sitting down in the basement of the family home
while the kiddies were off to school.
Snorting crack tablets and sending penis pics to random
women on the internet.

And that is when it happened.
One of those epiphany moments, a sudden burst.
Rushing over to the laundry sink, he took off his underpants
and started scrubbing feverishly with an old toothbrush and soap.
But the brown stain would not come out.

Worse still, his wife would be home within the hour
and would want to know why he had been wearing her underwear again.
Why he insisted on shitting her pants instead of his own.

But he had the name for his new publication.
All because of a fart gone too far.
He would call it Ariel Shart.
Make up fake names and comment on all his own posts to fudge the numbers.

As for his wife’s underpants, he could always blame it on the dog.
But he kept scrubbing feverishly anyways.
That constant jerking motion reminding his of his days in the service.
“The Hoboken Hoover” doing his part for freedom.

Tony Podcaster lives in the seventh circle of hell where he eternally snorts crack tablets and masturbates to old penis pics from the war.  His work can be found nowhere which is a great relief to all.