Hail Satan by Ping Ping The Panda

Hello dear reader,

My name is Ping Ping and I would like to take a second of your time to speak to you about the dark Lord himself Satan,

You know when I was approached by the church of Satan to be it's official spokesman.
I was like these fools got to be trippin'.

Then they offered me some big bucks and some big titty fat booty bitches, I'm fuck like yeah! I'm down.

So now I'm here to convert as many lost souls to burn in hell with me.
Hey your life sucks to begin with or you wouldn't be reading this shit mag.

Like sell your soul today and get something other than a case of diabetes laying your ass on the couch.

Sure you may have to kill a few people but who gives a fuck?

People are mostly all assholes to begin with.
Hey remember soon as the world comes to an end the dead will walk the earth.

It's like a badass slayer video.
So lets all get fucked up and drink one another's blood and have an orgy.

I recently got high on acid and lit a Wal-Mart on fire, oh well one less corporate Nazi shopping center to put every other small business and barely pay it's employees around.

Join the dark side, cause our music is awesome.
And being evil kicks ass.


And remember if you don't join.
I will be forced to creep into your house at night and eat your entire family.

Sorry but I tried to get you to join nicely.

And remember to subscribe to our newsletter and don't forget we also have an exciting coloring book just for the kids so nobody's left out.


Join today or I will fucking kill you!!

Have a nice day and he is watching from the abyss.

Toodles.

Ping Ping is the new spokesman for the Church of Satan.
He enjoys killing, Binge Drinking and orgies.
When not busy doing the devils work he also collects fine art and wine.