Erectile Dysfunction Isn’t Always A Bad Thing by Scott Simmons

Hey what should you call two old people having sex?
A fucking ambulance.

Seriously grandpa lay off the little blue pills.

I don’t wanna have to lift you up from the floor again.

Scott Simmons is a Jet ski that has learned to be human through a series of electric shock therapy and lots of wpd-40 in his Weiner.  He is an old bastard as of 4/11/2020 as he will be 22 years old which is way to old to be a Jonas Brother and he will become totally uncool and nobody will like him anymore much like Shrek VII back in 1964. Please like this post if you hate Scott Simmons too. 

Rathnar Reviews Pornhub Premium .By Rathnar Kilbane

      

I have been staying in my lodge and have protected myself with a virgin flesh mask, to avoid this evil sorcery from the kingdom of China.

The mighty Rathnar was getting cranky from days spent indoors not killing or raping.

So the sea witch of Michigan recommend I look into her cyber crystal ball and showed me the wonders of fine sorcery called Pornhub Premium. 

The Mighty Rathnar witnessed many fine wenches doing many beautifully twisted acts and soon had Rathnar eagerly stroking his long sword in approval.

The Mighty Rathnar enjoyed it so much he soon realized this was dark magic, to distract Rathnar to his true purpose in life.

Conquering poetic kingdoms and killing his many loyal followers.

So I did what any rational bloodthirsty Warlord would do in this situation.

I had the sea witch burned at the steak. 

And smashed her digital crystal ball and have banned them all from my kingdom.

As we have managed to avoid the virus curse by bathing in golden showers from the piss of the cave troll of Nebraska. 

Now we shall set sail to rape and kill and cannibalize like real Norse men.

Soon I will take the magic kingdom I hear it's unguarded. 

Avoid this sorcery of the Pornhub, burn all sea witches and enjoy your killing.

All hail the Rathnar.

Rathnar Kilbane, is the poet laureate of Iceland a title he has held since he killed the last one at the age of seven.
When not working on his great scroll he enjoys raiding poetic kingdoms and killing his loyal subjects at his now infamous poetry readings.

He enjoys drinking mead and screwing the night away with his many wives.
He also collects fine art and enjoys smooth jazz.

Route by Alyssa Trivett

Early morning lack of traffic has my mind in the sewer instead of the gutter.
I don't know what's going on but I automaton on
and remember to
tally my blessings,
even in thin strands
as they might be.

Alyssa Trivett is a wandering soul from the Midwest. When not working two jobs, she chirps down coffee while scrawling lines. Her work has appeared in many places, but most recently at Ex Ex Lit, and Duane's PoeTree site.

A Tribute to Rhyming Poets by Jack Morris

Please Kindly offload all your work into my privy.
That is where it belongs for yes it is really that shitty.

But thanks dickhead for actually reading this stupid ditty.

Jack Morris is a poet from Berkshire, England enjoying all forms of banter, tobacco, and stouts. He has been writing for over 15 years and can often be found either in the great outdoors or writing in his study. 

there alone amongst the faithless. By Jck Hnry

the trees

            are breathing      again

she says

fresh rain

falls

hard

fills culverts

& basins:

streams creeks & rivers

branches

thick & green

reach up

beyond the mist

beyond

the clouds

each year

decade

century

            a delicate dance

reaching above & beyond

            touching

            up next & near

            the face of god

there alone

amongst the

faithless

a god awaiting

            rain

that may allow

her

            to breathe again -

jck hnry is a neo-modernist, post-apocalyptic writer, living in the hard scrub of a californian desert.  after a 10 year hiatus hnry is back at it.  recent publications include:  Deuce Coupe, Rye Whiskey Review, Razur Cuts, Cajun Mutt, Dissident Voices, Horror Sleaze Trash, Bold Monkey, Red Fez, dope fiend daily and a bunch of other noble zines and journals.  Chapbooks/Books: “Snow in Summer and the Playground is Closed,” “Empty Houses-Kendra Steiner Editions,” “the Downtown Cafe (Erbacce Press),” “With the Patience of Monuments (neoPoesis) ,” “Crunked, (Epic Rites)” and “the Righthand Curve of a Continuous Circle. (Blunt Trauma Press).”  hnry is also editor and publisher of "Heroin Love Songs, V2.0, 7thEd" available now. for more go to jackhenry.wordpress.com.

Swimming By Alex Z. Salinas

So what does he do? He hunkers down. Gets busy. Writes some of the worst verse imaginable—plunges forward. Who gives a shit? Nobody reads anyway. A Chicano poet’s work is never done. Ever. He must never be content. Must never fall out of love with failure. Must swim in obscure lakes until his arms, his lungs, give out. Then he slams into a branch. The tree of life must be nearby. Larry Rios, picture your book on a dusty bookshelf. In a forgotten library. Names of the dead. Voices. Yours among them. Delusions of grandeur—poets’ lifeblood. Drink up. Swallow.

Alex Z. Salinas lives in San Antonio, Texas. He is the author of WARBLES, a full-length poetry collection from Hekate Publishing (2019). His short fiction, poetry and op-eds have appeared in various print and digital publications, including in Under The Bleachers, and he serves as poetry editor for the San Antonio Review. He holds an M.A. in English Literature and Language from St. Mary’s University.

a procedure by J.J. Campbell

i had an EKG
this morning
for a procedure
i'm supposed
to have
tomorrow

that's the most
action i have
got from a
woman
in years

J.J. Campbell (1976 - ?) was raised by wolves yet managed to graduate high school with honors. He's been widely published over the last 25 years, most recently at Red Eft Review, Cajun Mutt Press, Synchronized Chaos, The Beatnik Cowboy and Horror Sleaze Trash. You can find him most days on his mildly entertaining blog, evil delights. (https://evildelights.blogspot.com)